Overdue

(Short Fiction)

Instead of being a month or two to visit, Danny and I ended up visiting my mother two weeks after that phone call, but that was only because my father died suddenly.

I hadn’t been back to my hometown since I left. Apart from new restaurants and apartment complexes, the town had barely changed. Though, when Danny and I pulled up in the driveway, the house looked a little unkept, though I suspected that was because my father used to do all of the yard work. My dad had moved to one of the apartment complexes after the divorce, leaving the house to my mom. She came out the front door, leaning on the porch column.

“I always wondered what your childhood home looked like.” Danny said, bringing me out of my mind. One of the things that I loved most about Danny was that he never pressured me to tell him about my family drama. He let me tell him on my own timeline, and although I knew he was curious about my past and where I grew up, he never said it.

I was silent on most of the trip back, my mind spiraling at all the things I wished I had told my father. I actually hadn’t had the chance to tell him about my pregnancy as we had played phone tag for a few days.

“Honey? Let’s go inside, your mom’s waiting on us.”

We walked inside though I headed straight to my childhood room upon seeing the piano and missing spot of where my painting used to be. I thought that I had gotten over it, but shock reverberated through me as I remembered my mother’s drunken antics and hurtful words.

But it wasn’t about me, this was about my dad. The funeral was tomorrow and that’s what I needed to focus on. As the day went on, I heard Danny and my mother talking downstairs, though I couldn’t bring myself to join him.

“I thought you needed some time alone.” Danny said as handed me a plate a few hours later. I sat up, my stomach grumbling when I realized that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

“I did, thank you.” I forced a smile on my face.

He nodded before he said, “After you eat, I think you need to go talk to your mother, honey.”

I sighed, everything within me fought to stay in this bed, but I knew that I couldn’t keep avoiding this conversation any longer.

My mother was sitting on the couch, reading a book before setting it down when she noticed my presence. A wave of sadness washed over me as I glanced at all of the pictures of my father that were strewn up for all of the visitors after the funeral tomorrow.

I joined my mother in the living room, sitting on the couch adjacent to her. Not even a few seconds went by before my mother asked, “So when are you two leaving?” I bit my lip. Why is she trying to get rid of me already? Isn’t this what she wanted? For me to finally have a functioning, somewhat normal relationship with her after not having one at all for so long?

“What are you counting down the days until we leave?” I responded a bit harsher and louder than I intended. Danny must’ve heard the raise in my voice because he headed downstairs within seconds, standing behind me.

“No, I just figured you’d leave tomorrow or something.”

“Are you trying to get rid of us?” I felt Danny grab my shoulder, gently urging me to drop it.

“I’m not doing that honey; I was just asking that’s all.”

I nodded and grabbed Danny’s hand which was on my shoulder. “It’s fine, Danny. You can head back upstairs.” He looked uncomfortable and slowly backed out of the living room, leaving us alone once more.

My mother sighed and she rubbed her face as I sat there stewing. I didn’t know if I wanted to bring that incident back up, not knowing how this conversation would turn out if I did so.

“Looks like something’s on your mind, no use in holding it in, Blaire.”

“Why were you so against my dream?” I blurted out.

My mother rolled her eyes and crossed her arms against her chest. “Are we really getting back into this again?”

“Yes, mom. We didn’t speak for years because of what you did.”

“That was your doing, I tried calling to apologize but you never picked up.”

“Well, do you blame me? Do you have any idea how much what you did hurt me? Why did you do that? Why did you say all of that to me?”

“Because I knew you’d make it in New York, and you’d never come home again.” My mother chuckled for a brief second. “And I was right, wasn’t I?” She said with sad eyes. “The only thing that I knew how to do was be your mother and I couldn’t do that living states away. My dream was to be a mother…” She hesitated for a few seconds before adding, “Did you know that I wanted to have more children? Your father and I tried for years but never could have another child.”

My eyes widened. I didn’t know that I just thought they just wanted to have one child.

“All I wanted was to be close to my child and I just never had that.” She sat back, tears welled in her eyes. “I know it’s my fault because when I finally had a child, I ruined my dream. I’d pick fights with you, and I knew that I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help myself. I envied the relationship you had with your father, and I couldn’t set my ego aside. It also didn’t help that any chance you got you’d talk about how you couldn’t wait to leave home and not come back. And I know partly if not mostly, that was because of me. But it broke my heart each time you said it. You know my mother never wanted me to be around her and I swore I’d never make my child feel that way and I did exactly that.”

I sat there, swimming in the sea of words she threw at me. I appreciated her honesty and opening up, that’s all I ever wanted. But hearing that was something I wasn’t expecting in the slightest.

“Why weren’t you excited I announced my pregnancy then? Practically every phone call we’ve had in the last few years has consisted of you asking me when Danny and I’d have kids but you barely even recognized it, and you want to know the worst part of that?” My mother blinked in response. “I expected you to act like that.”

“You wanna know why I acted like that? It’s because I won’t ever get to see my grandson or granddaughter…”

“Grandson.”

My mother’s face softened for a second. “I won’t ever get to see my grandson.”

“What are you talking about?”

My mother huffed. “I can count on my hands how many times I’ve seen you in the last decade. I know it won’t be any different with my grandson.”

“Well, whose fault is that?”

Danny came back down once more, and I motioned him to go back upstairs. We needed to have this conversation, alone. Frankly, we needed to have this conversation years ago, but ego and stubbornness were clearly the reasons for that delay.

“It’s both of ours.” She answered. “We keep thinking that we’ll have more time, but we aren’t guaranteed that now are we?” My mother looked at one of the pictures of my dad and she sniffled, before redirecting her attention back at me. “We should go to bed, we have a long day ahead of us.” She came around my couch and touched my shoulder as Danny did not too long ago. “Your father wouldn’t want us acting this way, Blaire. I don’t want to keep missing out on your life anymore, but you have to let me in.”

She went upstairs and I followed soon after. I collapsed on the bed next to Danny and pulled the covers to my neck.

“Good conversation?” Danny asked, a hint of uncertainty and sleep in his voice.

“It went better than I thought it would’ve.”

“That’s good, right?”

I nodded, feeling lighter than I had in years.

Thankfully, the day of his funeral went by quickly, and soon all of the guests had left the house, leaving it in disarray from all the discarded plates of half-eaten food and cups. Danny and I tidied up the house, while my mom was trying to find room in the fridge for all of the casseroles that were brought over.

In a quiet voice, my husband whispered, “We should stay a few more days, I think it would mean a lot to your mom.”

I nodded in agreement. “You know what I was thinking last night?”

“Hmm?”

“I wonder if I should’ve cut her out of my life like I did.” I sighed as a range of emotions filled me, though I didn’t know what to make of them.

“Well, you did what you thought was right for you at the time, right?”

I nodded again but felt guilty. “Yes, but-”

“Look you did what you needed to, okay?” He interrupted. “Now you can rebuild the relationship into something better, right? You still have time with her, Blaire.”

The next morning, we sat down with my mother at the kitchen table. We whipped out the breakfast casserole that the neighbor next door, Mrs. Donahue, brought over while sipping on coffee.

“Hey, mom?” I prodded as she finished up her plate. “Danny and I thought we’d stay a few more days if that’s alright with you?”

A smile broke out on her face. “That would be great, I would love that.”

“We’ve also been thinking about something else, an idea we wanted to run past you.” She ticked her head to the side.

“So, we’re actually in the process of building a house and we want you to move in with us.” Please, mom. Please consider this.

A surprised look crossed her face. “I don’t know…” My mother trailed off, a pained expression crossing her face. “In downtown New York?”

“Well, it’s actually out of the city, more in the countryside.” Danny stepped in, grabbing my hand in support.

“There’s nothing keeping you here anymore, Mom. You said that we don’t know how much time we have with each other, and I don’t want to lose any more with you.” Tears glistened in my eyes as I stared at her. She shrugged her shoulders, still not fully buying the proposition.

“Do you really want me there? I don’t want to be a bother, especially when my grandson comes.”

“I really do, mom. I want you there. I don’t want to live our lives separately anymore. I want you to spend as much time with your grandson as you can.” A stream of tears fell down her face as she wiped them away.

“Then let’s do it.” She chuckled before getting up from the table and engulfing me in the tightest hug I’ve ever received from her.

Within the day we began packing most of her belongings and listed her house within a few weeks. While it took some getting used to, I couldn’t imagine not spending every day with her anymore.

I might not have any more time with my father, but I can make up for the lost time with my mother.